Ich Liebe Dich, Bill
by Samantha15
Summary: Sam went to a concert for her birthday, and met the man she had loved from a distance since...forever. Weeks later, he calls her with a strange proposition. Accepting, she runs from home, leaving friends and family, to stay with him. Tokio Hotel, Kaulitz.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

I'm just a girl in love.

But why, God, why did I have to fall in love with my dream man, his angel's lips, his molten honey brown eyes, his voice dark and sweet, his jawline so defined you could sharpen a knife with it? Why the man I have been traveling with for years, who knows me better than anyone on this planet? Why the man whose twin brother is the only one who knows him better than me?

Why the man six years older?

Why the man every girl is after?

Why the man I have no chance with?

I'm just a girl in love. But loving _him_ could be the worst mistake of my life. Because I know I will be hurt-unintentionally, which makes it all the worse. Because I know he loves me-as just a friend. Because I know he cannot give me more love than that. Because I know I will try anyway. Because he and I – we're so close, on the edge of a cliff only I can see.

Because everything he does brings me closer to falling.

* * *

I woke up, gasping, from my dream to a typical hotel room; plain boring walls, plain boring color scheme, plain boring everything.

Ugh. I've been having _that_ dream way to much during the recent weeks. The one where only Bill exists, where he and I are alone – and by some miracle, he wants it that way.

Then I realized _why_ I was awake, exactly. The banging on the door and the heavily accented English of Tom's voice wafted through.

"Geht up, Zam! Ve need to gho!"

Time for work. Why Tom was waking me up I didn't know - usually Georg just came barreling through the door and wrestled me off my bed. I laughed at that. I fought with the oldest member of Tokio Hotel just like he was the older brother I always wished for.

Then I sighed. I was responsible for, of course, _his _microphones. Transportation, sound check-ing, all that. Even re-bejeweling if it ever came off.

I rolled up out of bed, honestly not giving a shit about what I looked like today, and threw on some jeans and a sweatshirt. I threw together the rest of my suitcase – we were headed to a new hotel today, continuing on their latest tour. I burrowed my face in my hood, knowing full well I looked damn ugly in the morning. I was still half-asleep, but trudged along to the boy's floor. As in, the workers for the boys had regular rooms, and the boys had suites. But I didn't complain. I knew someone as young as me was lucky to have a job, let alone one where they traveled with four living sex gods.

Exiting the elevator, I saw Georg walking toward it, then read the disappointment on his face when he realized I was up. Both of us had one thing in common that kept us from fighting – or, rather, did. Mock battles between us were very common. I had always been tomboyish, and Georg and Gustav were the perfect best friends I could possibly hope for.

"Sorry, dude. Tom got to me first."

I could read the confusion on his face easily. "He didn't come running in, pick me up, and throw me on the bed again, as is customary for you. Rather, he knocked on the door." I said in a British accent.

He laughed. I thought he might.

I knew, knew, knew I should stay as far from the band as possible, but I honestly couldn't help it, and they even came to me sometimes. Even though I was 6 years younger than the twins, the youngest, we were all pretty close. Like I was meant to live with them, hang around with them, be their best friend. I knew everything about them the cameras and tabloids didn't – it wasn't like I was some stalker or anything. I just knew these things like you know your best friends address and phone number without thinking about it, because you call and go over so much.

I was constantly amazed by that fact.

I turned the corner I was headed down towards Bill's room. He usually left his microphones with security so he could sleep as long as possible, but today he met me when he heard my soft knock.

Guess both twins were behaving abnormally today.

Of course, I knew why without having to ask. Bill hated flying in storms, and there was a hurricane warning today. He would undoubtedly be nervous as hell until we landed again. And because Bill was nervous, Tom was nervous.

"Hallo!" I said, way too happy for 4 AM. "Do you have them?"

"Here," he said, and handed me the heavy black case.

"Gracias."

No, I'm not Spanish-speaking. It's like I have my own language – I combine English, German, Latin, Italian, Spanish, and any other words I may know in other languages into one crazy dialect.

"It'll be okay, Bill. Vertrau mir," I said, using his words for "trust me". He managed a smile. Even that small nervous smile, though, drove me mad with love. I saw every part of him he wouldn't let the cameras see in that one, small smile.

I could tell this trip was going to push him over the edge.

Me too.

Trying my best to look comforting, I smiled back at him, turned my head, and walked away, leaving my heart at his door.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

On the plane ride to the next venue, Bill nearly flipped out. The storm had started, after all, and he was beyond scared. So, Tom, being his identical twin and all, was feeling pretty sucky about the whole thing as well. I didn't know what to do, exactly – I had to go through their section to get the mic case and stand, but I couldn't just walk through there without feeling like I should help him somehow. And how could I help him?

Then I realized he was my best friend and the awkwardness existed only for me. I took a deep breath, and I walked through the door, looking at them, and saw I was right. Although Georg and Tom were sleeping with headphones on and Gustav was looking through the window, unfazed, Bill was scared we'd fall out of the sky. His black-clawed fingers grasped at his dark knit beanie with a kind of desperation, like a man would use while seeing something terrible and being able to do nothing about it. His expression was contorted into a stoic mask of worry, fear, and a touch of something else that even I, with tons of practice of reading his face, couldn't tell what it was.

Of course, I was terrified. I didn't mind flying, but in storms I hated it. He knew that. I just couldn't believe it when _he_ told _me_, "It's alright, Zam. Alles gut."

"Alles gut," I told him, with a try of a smile. But I couldn't help it.

_No, no, no, no!_

My mind was screaming at me.

_Don't get in any deeper!_

But I did it. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his thin body. "Alles gut, Bill," I whispered, feeling his hug. I loved the way his arms felt around me, the way they made me feel, strong and secure, weak and mindless, all at the same time. He held me up and pushed me down, without even realizing it. Then I broke away, knowing my heart couldn't take this moment much longer. _You can't have him. That boy is an international rock star. You're just another staff member who he's friendly with. You aren't good enough. _Tears were almost in my eyes with the truth of my words.

I walked back to the instrumental section and put the case down with all the rest of the guy's stuff. Getting ahold of myself, I looked around the equipment area.

I have to say, I felt really bad for the girl who handled Gustav's drums. She had to take them out of their cases and hand-check each one for every transportation. She looked at me hopefully, and I laughed. "Erin, you need help, am I right?" I said, and knelt down before she responded. She was easily seven years older than me, but we were really good friends.

Erin had to completely check all the drums in both the regular and spare sets, and put them in their cases before we landed– which was in about 20 minutes. So, of course, she was really nervous that she wouldn't be done in time. She envied me my job, since I just had to carry a smaller, easy case. I halfway envied hers, because she didn't have to constantly be around her best friends, one of which whom she was in love with.

But, of course, that was partly why I loved my job so much.

I absentmindedly started helping her out, not really paying attention to my work. I was thinking about him again.

"Okay, Sam, spill it. I know you're doing it again," she said. Erin, a really close friend, one of the only crew members who was born and raised in America, and the only person who knew I was in love with Bill.

Sure, people said they were in love with him, but they never were. They hadn't met him, only seen his face and heard his voice. They had only seen Bill Kaulitz, rock god, lead singer of Tokio Hotel, not Billa, Tomi's little brother. They hadn't seen the real him, only backstage videos on YouTube. They hadn't met him. Not the true Bill.

I had.

"Yeah," I said, giving up my work. "I'm doing it again."

"I know. Another dream?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Hey, I need you to trust that it'll work out. It always does in movies and books."

_But my life isn't either of these_, I snapped to myself. I didn't mean to sound mean, it just ended up that way.

"Yeah," I just said, again.

We were silent for awhile, and I really wanted to talk to her. But what was there to say? I couldn't think of a thing.

She sensed my discomfort.

"So I was talking to Jacky last night. She asked how we were all doing. Especially you. You know she's jealous? She wished she worked for Bill. She's surprised you haven't lost your mind being around, quote, God, unquote, all day. Suppose she still doesn't get that we aren't around them much. Well, except for you, I guess. She still can't believe you're friends with him. She's so jealous, but happy for you at the same time. I guess it just because you started out with them different than the rest of us. At least, that's what I told her…."

I let Erin babble. She was a talker, and I was in the mood to listen, no matter what to. I nodded along while I helped her, and we kept at this till it was time to unload. Meanwhile, I lost myself in memories…


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

We finished with about five minutes to spare, and I had been thinking of this new food combo I was dying to try. When I told Erin about it, she looked disgusted, but knew me well enough to refrain from saying, "Don't bother, you'll hate it," because I usually enjoyed my experiments, thank you very much. Making our way to where all the food was stored, I kept my eyes down and tried to figure out how I'd put the two together. Reaching for the orange, I peeled it while looking for a Snickers bar.

I looked up, and his liquid amber eyes looked back at me.

"Interesting…combinashun." he said.

"Yeah…you willing to take the first bite?" I grinned up into his beautiful face.

He looked grossed out, to say the least, but he had used the same face when I had tried marshmallows on hot dogs and popcorn in salad dressing, both of which had turned out delicious.

I rolled my eyes and popped both a piece of the candy and a slice of the orange in my mouth at once. I chewed once, then widened my eyes and coughed.

His eyes widened, too, in fear of something, and I felt fear too, because that was true panic in the center, in the root, of his soul. I saw it in his eyes. My coughs slowly subsided and he seemed to calm down.

My last thought was dislodged with another coughing fit.

"Mein gott, when will you stop the food experiments?" he said, but looked halfway nervous at my state. He grabbed my bare shoulders, my sweatshirt having been dislodged when my body was being racked with coughs. His perfect hands tickled my skin, making me shiver, but not with the cold.

"Sorry…forgot…I hate…oranges…" I managed to cough out through the feeling of his hands on my shoulders.

He laughed, and I laughed with him, swallowing the rest of the gross combo. "Never again…" I muttered to myself, dropping the remnants of the peel and wrapper into the garbage can, keeping the Snickers bar.

"I'll see you later, Sam." he said, his angel's voice deep and dark and seductive and…

Okay, off that train of thought.

"I'll see you, Bill." I whispered, but he had already gone.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

At the new venue, I was setting up his mic stand, front and center, when Tom walked out. I figured he was here first because Bill always took longer in hair and makeup, and getting dressed and such. But Bill walked out right after him. I swear, the longer they behaved abnormally, the longer I would go insane.

"Go eat, Sam. I'll set up my own microphone."

I looked at him questioningly with a "Huh?" expression on my face, and he looked back at me with one saying, "I know you're hungry. Remember? You're like my other twin. Go."

So I went, thinking about his intense eyes, and as a result of my entranced state, crashed into a table.

_Ow…god…._

I met Erin in the backstage food area, and I could tell she was starving. She had put herself on a diet, but thankfully it was one of the healthier ones. That one with the points and stuff. Waist Watchers? Jenny Craig? I dunno, but she was so afraid she'd blow it, and I could practically see the numbers running through her head. She was also staring at a chocolate cake.

"If I eat just one piece, I can't eat dinner or breakfast, but I want it so bad. Should I?" she asked me.

"Do whatever you want." I said, smiling. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You're skinny, girl!"

I laughed. She was so obsessed with her diet.

I had tried dieting, but I have a tendency to break rules whenever I can, so I usually gave up after the first few days. I tried to eat healthier now, though. I wasn't always comfortable in my own skin (like so many other girls I know) so I was going to do something about it. And that started today.

Moments after I had picked up a water bottle, Bill walked in.

"Vere is the cord?" he asked, clearly confused.

I laughed.

"I'll get it, don't worry." I said.

He looked relieved.

I reached the stage and climbed up. I pulled up the top part of the case that held the mics and revealed the cord. I took it out and started setting it up. Bill was watching, which did not suit my nerves, and I nearly shocked myself.

"Hey, no robot suit tonight?" I asked, realizing he wasn't even close to ready.

"I will. I probably should…"

"Yeah, go." I finished his sentence. "I'll be done soon anyway."

While he walked away, I couldn't help but watch discreetly. His _walk_ even drove me over the edge. Like a god but more attractive. How was that possible? How could he have such effect on me?

_How come that didn't bother me?_

I knew the answer to that, but refused to think it.

_Love, _my thoughts spoke. Again. I swear I wish I knew how to shut them up…even though they were only subconscious…thoughts I wouldn't think of purposely, thoughts I couldn't help but think of otherwise.

Ugh.

I thought of him while finishing up, putting the mic in the stand. The high-set cheekbones, the impossible height, the enchanting eyes, the perfect mouth…

The show was awful. The performance itself was amazing, every note was perfect. It was awful because a lot of the songs just killed me. From backstage, you could still hear the performance, and when he sang "Pain Of Love" and "World Behind My Wall" I nearly cried. I used a bathroom excuse to get out, so no one would see the pain loving him brought me…the pain of love…so no one would see the love I had for him.

I fell into a disturbed sleep that night, dreaming of him, running away if I told him the truth, fearing I would slip up no matter what.

_By the way, I'm in love with you,_ or

_Oh, I have a secret. I'm madly in love with every aspect of you,_ or even

_You are the only one for me. Never leave?_

In every scenario, no matter how hard I begged, no matter the tears shed, he left.

I woke up several times; each time more tears running down my face than the last. Finally, gratefully, I sank into a dreamless sleep, just hours before we had to depart later that day.


End file.
